When I finally have the time to sit down and write..its never a good time for my thoughts, as I feel I don't have much to write about. Instead of writing "nothing new..all the same" this blog helps me to reflect on the past couple of weeks. Now, after thinking about it, I don't want to avoid speaking about something important and very personal.
This holiday season was a rough one for me and my familyyo. GrandmaYO ( my Mommyyo) passed on December 10th, 2010. She was a Christmas baby and would of been 63 years old on December 25th, 2010. Rushing down to be by her side, I wished there was something I can do to help. A feeling of complete powerlessness. There was nothing I can do or any doctor could and my MommyYO knew it. She was ready and and in one of her most famous replies " it is what it is. What can you do." - So we sat there all together (all her kids - 4 total) by her side for 2 weeks.
When we had some time alone. I asked if she had any regrets? She said "The only thing I regret, is not being there for the grand kids...I'm really going to miss them""- it dawned on me at that moment, how very special her grandchildren are to her and the enormous love she had for all of them. I believe, those few sentences were so pure of love, still very much alive, it taught me a very special lesson. Looking at her...she looking at me; we shared a brief lapse in time together. A Day Dream, that we did not discuss....
Not knowing if we were sharing the same thought or experience, I sat there holding her hand reflecting on her response. All of a sudden, emotions rushed across my mind like a tornado, picking up thoughts from the past and present and throwing them down into my consciousness. I became light and unaware of my body and my physical surroundings. I got the chills and felt something inside/out and around that was very real and present. It was one of the last, of many, magical moments I shared with my mother. I was kicked back into reality where I stood next to my folding chair, next to her bed.
The life lessons, the motherly voice still in my head, of love will live on....for someday LittleYO, now 2 years old and " BabyYO" now 7 months along and due in May will read back on this post and keep GrandmaYO close in there thoughts, weather they remember her or not. Love truly knows know boundaries, alive or dead. We will miss her, forever and her love lives on.....
Saturday, February 12, 2011
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2 comments:
So beautifully touching. What a gift to your child. I never thought of the power of a blog...thank you.
Rebecca
http://www.rebeccalk.com
Dear Andrew and Renee,
I feel so sad to hear about the death of your mother, Marie. We lived across the street on Deerfield Court when you were both born and I babysat Renee from the time she was 3 weeks old, and later you.
Your parents were wonderful people and I wanted to reach out to your mother only to find this sad news.
Both were loving, caring and generous people and I will always remember them.
My condolences to you. Would love to connect.
Mary Mac
www.facebook.com/askmarymac
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